I had a different topic selected for this week’s post but for some reason I wanted to write about something more personal this week — getting ready for my upcoming travels.
You see, this is the first trip…
I’ll be making overseas since my mom passed away.
I’ve thought a lot about this “first” especially as we are coming up on the 2nd anniversary of her passing. We’ve been through all the firsts, or so I thought.
Then I thought about this first — the first “big” trip without my mom.
I’ll experience the first time of leaving on an overseas trip without a hug from my mom.
It will be the first big trip where I won’t get emails from my mom.
This will be the first big trip that I won’t get to Skype with my mom.
And it will be the first big trip where I won’t come home and have a big welcome home hug from my mom.
I know my dad will do his best to give me those hugs — and he does give good hugs. They’re just not “mom” hugs. We’ll Skype or FaceTime. I probably won’t get much in the way of emails. But he is a good texter and I have unlimited texting even in Europe.
But somehow it will just be different.
And I think about how my first trip without my mom being here is to Ireland — the one country that she got to see.
It’s fitting, isn’t it? I thought so. Which is one reason why I chose to go there first.
I’ve been thinking about her so much over the past few weeks as I prepare for this 2-3 month adventure.
I certainly miss asking her opinion on what to take. And I know I’ll probably really miss her as I pack my clothing. She was always there to offer up her thoughts on which clothes I would get the most use out of and telling me that I didn’t need all that I was taking.
It won’t be the same without her popping her head in my door and giving me a hard time about all the damn clothes I have!
But life goes on.
And I know that she is still here with me — in my heart. I’ll hear her voice in my head, giving me her two cents worth on what I’m packing and what I need to leave behind.
She’ll be with me as I travel through Ireland. I’ll picture her in the passenger seat next to me, just as it was when she and dad went on an Irish adventure with me. Dad in the back seat letting his ladies have their time in the front seat. It was a special trip. And I know I’ll feel her spirit with me.
So here I am…
Missing my little mama as I get ready for this big trip.
It’s a first. I know there will be many more “big” trips to come, but this one will be just a bit bittersweet.
And while I’m excited, there’s also that little piece of my heart that will hurt. That does hurt. That simply misses her — that will miss her hug as I leave, those emails as I travel and that hug when I come home.
But that’s love. When you love someone that much, you miss them that much.
I can hear her telling me though, “Go have a good time, little one! Follow your dreams.”
And I am … for me and for my little mama.